I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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