That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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