Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize