Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
