somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well you can't waste a boner
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
