You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
