Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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