so explain again why im purple
no
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
