Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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