People in love make me want to vomit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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