You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
