She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I deserve this hangover.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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