I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
