naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
