went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
