he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
