I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
