I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
