no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
