i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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