If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
