I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my shit smells like andre
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
