Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
