the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
