I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
