Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
