Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
