I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.