When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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