We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...