what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"