Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
