Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
