What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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