Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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