I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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