I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
