I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
