There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
