Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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