sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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