He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
