and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will be naked everywhere
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
