hotel room ftw
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
