Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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