oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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