i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I deserve this hangover.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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