I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
