genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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