would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
