I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
