So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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