She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
