I just cut my nipple shaving
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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