I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need moral support for this bender
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
