Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this boner is exhausting
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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