this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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