I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
