Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
