HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
