4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
