hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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