discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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