Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
