We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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