I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
