If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
