get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
