Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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