I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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