That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
