haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
