so explain again why im purple
no
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
