my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
