You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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