she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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