Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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