And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
