But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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