Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize