Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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