I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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