Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
