I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
