well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
