So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
