mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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