The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
