I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
