You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
