take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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